Letters in the Sand

One of the more surreal moments

2008-02-25T20:41:00.001-08:00

There's something about meeting a person you have respected and damn near idolised for a good majority of your life. You think in your head how it's going to go down. You'll be cool, suave, and if you are remotely attracted to this person, you will try to get in his or her pants.

This is not the case.

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

Last night, I had the chance to meet Henry Rollins. That's right Henry Motherfucking Rollins. For those of you who don't know who that is, just move on with the rest of the internets because this is not where you need to be.
So, I met this man. In my mind, it was going to go something like "Henry," because we are on a first-name basis in my head," I have listened to your music since I was 12. Please, Henry Rollins, I am over 18, you will not go to jail, lets get drunk, break shit and have sex on the floor." This is NOT how it happened. What DID happen was "That was amazing" and later "I hope you feel better" all the while my friend was not phased nor intimidated (if you met him, he's nice as hell and still intimidating because he's so fucking nice and down-to-earth). So, fuck you Elliott.

Regardless, though. I met Henry Rollins. I think now I can die more happy that I was going to before.

Well, fuck

2007-11-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the end of another semester and I've only increased my "worldly view" by only seeing even more fucked up things, being more involved in things too crazy to mention and wanting to kill myself over a class. By the way, French Language, fuck your writing styles. It's insane. See you in the spring of 2009.

I don't really don't have anything to say, other than I'm more than glad to have this year be over with. My first meatless Thanksgiving went well, we'll see ho the holiday season treats me. Emeril is on the television, Belle and Sebastian is playing in my head and I've decided to help really shitty bands with art work.

I guess I've been feeling nice this week.

Skinheads

2007-05-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of skinheads. Don't get me wrong, I'm friends with a few. However, I would like to take this time to discuss the type of skinheads that I'm friends with--real skinheads.

Skinheads: A History

It began in Britain. In the mid-1960s, people were angry at idiots. The aftermath of WWII made jobs and the working class became restless and carefree. As a result, many new "mods" took hold. They dressed like business men and yuppies, but they were still working class. They were anti-fascists and anti-racist due to the war that had just gone on. This is just in general, mind you.

The idea of skinhead came out of the mod subculture. They were consumers, they were born into upper-middle class. They never originally intended to be political. That is, until the mid/late- 1960s rolled around. That's when a schism developed. Ska and hippies came out of the woodworks. People began to go far-right or far-left. Many stayed in the middle or tended towards the left. It is important to note that there were many black and skinheads of color. It is also important to note the following:

For some reason, skinheads love ska. Now, for those who do not know, ska is about unity. Ska is about differences. Ska is about coming together to overcome stereotypes. Many skinheads were SHARPs (Skinheads against Racial Prejudices) and are still today. I'm tired of folks going around combinging the skinheads and neonazis. That's not how it goes. Skinheads are part of a subculture. A subculture with differences in politics. Neonazis are part of a hate group. Ska isn't about hate, skinheads aren't about hate, people are not naturally born to hate. End. Of. Story.

I bring this up because tonight I saw The Toasters on their 25 year anniversary tour. As always, it was a slamming show. In leaving, I saw some friends and their group of friends in the street. Now, as a group of punks, this isn't unusual, but they weren't moving. Eventually they did, but my friend walked alongside our Astrovan. I already knew he was angry, but prior to this, I figured he was just grumpy or tired of "the kids" roaming around. Instead, he looked me in the eyes and asked me if I wanted to beat up some Nazis. I'm not one for violence, personally. Militancy, sure. Violence never. I'm also pretty fucking far left, so I can't stand folks like that. I was half-tempted to get out, but I had an obligation to the driver and our passenger. Continuing, I saw them. A group of 15-20 Neo-Nazis who had shown up to a ska show. Better yet, for a ska band with a person of color in their midsts. Their ignorance enver ceases to surprise me.

Upon getting back to my friend's house (the one who was driving, and our passenger's), I got in an argument about what a skinhead is. I know I'm right. It just surprised me that the argument came from a) a ska band and b) history students. I should buy them a book or something.

From now on, strangers, when you read this, get your facts straight: Real skinheads are anti-racist, anti-fascist. And if you have an issue with that, you need some help.

In love with a human

2007-03-07T22:23:00.000-08:00

So, I've been reading a book recently reccomended to me by a friend. the title of the book is Quirkyalone, and it's got me thinking: there's a damn good chance I'm one of these people that have choose to have one of the most idiotic names for themselves.

Basically, the book isn't a anti-relationship book because god knows I'm into mutual partnerships, but it's given me a better look on how to a) approach people about myself and b) not get hurt. Which also tends to happen. The book is about being comfortable in being alone and knowing that if anyone understands you like you do, it's you. Friends are important. Coincidentally, my good friend (and roommate) started abandoning me around the time I got to the chapter on friendship. I hate feeling like the third wheel, but eventually everyone else will move on, and I'll be there. Either that or I get emotionally torn up and end up crying to her because I'm lonely. Both of which are great options.

But then I started thinking about friendship and how (sometimes) it can escalate into something much more. Recently I've been with this boy. When I looked at him, I saw happy. He's a total asshole, someone I would normally want to punch in the face. Traditional to some extent, but liberal. But it came to be one of those things where I was there to be in his company and he was there because I was there. When you look at someone because you're such good friends with them and you just see something budding... and then it's quickly put out by the world's biggest bucket of ice-cold water.

Illusions suck. So does thinking at 1:30. You get an elaboration later.

Response/clarifications

2006-12-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

So, I also posted the previous post on how music is dead on my myspace profile. It raised a comment almost instantaneously from my friend Ben. Ben's a smart boy.

"Bah. I don't want to address all of this - just certain aspects.

Be careful when you say things like "music is dead" because that is a pretty rough statement. Some genres of music are sucking, sure, but not everything. I'm happy to find that jazz is surging: not only are people preserving the classics, but nu-jazz is going everywhere and merging with all kinds of music like techno, lounge, and hip-hop. Rap pretty much sucks ass, but you can still find some underground labels that know how to withhold "nigga this" and "nigga that" to make a point. Country - as always - is awful. Most rock music - eh, it could use some help. But otherwise, I'm pretty happy with modern music.
That doesn't mean I'm happy with the radio. I don't even listen to the radio because the only shit worth listening to is more than 20 years old. However, that just means they're keeping the good music off the radio. Sometimes you've got to dig a little.

Now -

You're not complaining about PUNK kids, you're complaining about SCENE kids. Most of the kids at shows these days identify themselves as emo, scene, hardcore, everything but punk. This makes a difference - remember, punk isn't a style, it's an attitude? Yeah, these kids' attitude isn't music, it's trying to look cool. That's also why I gave up going to shows.
Punk isn't really my thing, so I won't comment beyond that. It doesn't really bug me whether or not people try to put political messages into their music because - honestly - not many people give a shit. Music is supposed to be an art form, not a newpaper or a talk show. Nobody wakes up and thinks "I wonder what Green Day has to say about Bush? Let me go pick up their latest CD so I can be up-to-date on political issues." Or, as some comedian put it, when Hurricane Katrina hit, nobody wanted to hear what Ja Rule had to say. What the fuck does ja Rule know about politics?

Back to music... if you haven't already, look at Anti-Flag. They're one of the only punk bands I follow, but they've always stated true to making their voices heard. Plus, it's just fucking awesome music.

On a side-note: if you've into techno, go to www.di.fm
Digitally imported radio - about 15 commercial free streaming radio stations, all of different electronica genres."

Now, when I say something like "music is dead," I have to have a good amount of booze in my system to not know what I'm saying. Unfortunately, when I wrote that I was perfectly sober. So, let me clarify: music is, IN THE MOST PART, dead. That better for all of you people who proved my point of elitists? Jazz is dead. I know jazz artists that have been playing for nearly 30 years now who will testify for me. Dead. It can only expand so far. And when you add "nu-" to "jazz" just because you make it more hip with techno and hip-hop doesn't make it jazz. It makes it something else.

Music IS an art form, but an art form that requires you to express yourself, not regurgitate. What is the heart of punk about? Expressing your frustration and what you see wrong with everything around you. What is hip-hop about? Making something of yourself because you're tired of looking around and seeing crime and gang wars. What is jazz about? Feeling the soul of the person performing. What is techno about? Well... it's really never been about anything really but a giant acid trip.

What is music about now? None of the above. When even most "underground" bands sound the same, music isn't expanding, it's having a massive bowel movement through its mouth, and then eating its own shit. When I even think that indie and folk is starting to suck, and a good number of people I don't even know can easily agree with me, there's something wrong. If music is about expressing itself, then why is it expressing the same damned thing? If you even coverse with someone ever, you should know that people have different views. All the damned time. If you haven't figured this out, it's time to get some new friends.

Punk is a lifestyle and a way of thinking. It's about being yourself, but so is music. Music is about being yourself, not someone you wish you were or someone everyone else wants you to be. I'm not naive enough to go around meaning that ALL MUSIC AND ABSOLUTELY ALL MUSIC is dead... beause that would be stupid. I wouldn't be listening to msuic that has been produced in the past 25-30 years, and that would get old quick. I wouldn't be going to shows. Also, if you are going to tell me that most of the music you enjoy has been made in the past 20 years, you're basically saying you think music is dead too. Because, seriously, when was the last time you met a good number of people who actively go out all the time to findn new and innovative and decent music than turn on the local college station and see what's going on?

I appreciate other peoples' taste and commentary, but when they give me some stupidass response like that, I just want to hit them. When you throw a band like Anti-Flag in my face, you need to have a plan B. And when you stop going out to see shows live and try to issue me a statement about the thrive of music, you can kiss my ass because if you're "into" music as much as you think you sound like, dearest Ben, then you would know that there is a huge difference between what a band sounds like live and what a band sounds like on a recording. You would also know that music IS scene and "scene" kids are part of the scene whether or not we like it. Because when it comes down to it, we're all "scene" kids some are just more idiotic than others.

Punk in the ICU

2006-12-16T23:59:00.000-08:00

PUNK

3. music with no boundaries. music with no rules. music from the heart. (urban dictionary)

I'm a firm believer in the fact that in order to save the world, people have to first save not only themselves, but others. The planet will work itself out in the end--it always does. I'm not old enough to really have lived through truely great bands, but I'm not young enough to be stupid, either. That is why I want to say this: music is dead. Let me explain why.

Now, those of you who have even been semi-concious in the past decade should know by now: music, in general, has been failing the masses. From blues to new-wave, hip-hop to country and from funk to punk, music is in the shithole. It's been completely failing humanity for the past ten years or more. It all started when people became (if at all possible) more shallow and thus more idiotic. The only music worth recognizing these days is music made by a computer. That's right, I said it.

Every time the event comes around, I go to live shows. Why? Because I've found that with enough searching (or very little at all), any live performance is probably better than what is on the radio. Last night was the all-coveted "Punk Rock Party" in Nashville. Some of my friends were playing. They're more west-coast punk and I enjoy them. Now, let me first state that this was an all-time shitty show. There were maybe 50 people there in total, most of which were 13-15 and thuroughly deserved to have their asses kicked. There were also some older people there who were obviously looking for the same shit I was and came up disappointed. However, these older people I am speaking of were musical elitists and sat there and bitched and moaned the entire time. I'm willing to put my money on the fact they loaned most of their tastes from "underground" magazines and radio.

This show is the reason for my blog title today. Punk has been in the ICU for over a decade. I say this because occasionally you come across a good band or even a person that still knows what it's all about: no rules, just what you believe in. It used to be that you could turn on the radio or--heaven forbid--MTV and come across some sort of decent music. You could hear or see bands that were out there to not just make a name for themselves (albeit there were many like that), but they mainly were out there to get their voices heard. They weren't trying to rep their shit or sing about how sad and whiney their girlfriend makes them. Instead, their goal was to bring about a change in the nation, a change in the way people thought and saw themselves, to bring about a revolution if not in politics, then in an individual. How can you screw that up? All it takes is one person who is not satisfied with the way shit is going down and then makes it hit the fan. People bitch and moan about so-called punk bands bringing politics into their music. What have I been saying? It's about getting your ideas heard and not giving a rat's ass who likes it or not. It was originally about dissatisfication in the system. It was about anarchy and making a change. Groups like the Sex Pistols and The Vandals were screaming about anti-establishment, politically-based what would now be considered "nonsense" since the 70's and 80's. And you idiots want to tell me that punk has no place saying fuck you to the State? You idiots are getting mad because NoFx, Rancid and even Green Day want to educate the mindless drones that wear the Misfits and Ramones shirts and have only heard two or three songs if any at all? That have never actually been to a show where you aren't terrified of getting your ass kicked because you know at some point you will out of a sense of unity with the music? Back when "Oi!" meant 'listen to me motherfucker' and not "Well, I say, chap."

I get mad now because when I google "Long Hair Queer" or "The Damned," I can get shit like Thursday and Nelly and Korn. I get mad now because at Punk Rock Party, there were ska bands. Not just one ska bands, either: two or three. One was AKA:Rudie (who I like) who headlined. They're nowhere near punk rock--they just want to chill and be happy. The idea of punk rock has become a fad. When I see idiots prancing around in their denim loincloths and big boots with their girlfriends who are more into sex than I am it makes me sick. It's not just the image that makes it. When I try to have a conversation with you between sets and all you have to say is "I like the Misfits" and nothing else, you're a fucking dumbass. When I go to a show and have to sit through mindless conversations about how someone's shirt is sooooo punk and not pay a lick of attention to what the half-way-decent bands are screaming, I want to cut a bitch.

...and I just burned the back of my throat on tomato soup.

Shit, motherfucker, I'm tired

2006-08-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

So, I've completed a small sample of what my upcoming classes for the semester will be like, sans one lab which doesn't begin until next week. It's not so much that the classes themselves are tiring, I just need to stop staying up until two am just to chill outside my dorm building and watch people light sticks on fire to write on the sidewalk. But the chai tea I had was sub-par and the blueberry scone was yummy.

I saw Big D and the Kids Table the day before classes, and that initiated the routine of "Sleep, what? Homie don't play that, dawg" On the bright side, I've made some new friends and have personally volunteered myself to make flyers and images for bands I have yet to learn the name of. But the guy's name is Dylan, and he's pretty rad.

I hate to say it, but for the most part, the school at my highschool cafeteria is better than here, and I must remember to email my highschool and inform them of this fact. They'd be happy. The cafeteria ladies are really nice and made some awesome food for us-- even knew us by name. Pretty awesome if I do say so myself.

I'm listening to John Meyer right now. Yes, I listen to that crap. But, it's not a bright idea if you've been up since 8 and coffee didn't even work to wake you up for an awesome Anthropology course (even if there's something like 300+ people in a small room and I'm sure it breaks all sorts of fire codes). I need things for my room, like a coaxel cord and thumb tacks. Mainly thumb tacks, becasuse all I have right now is the razor from my Xacto and I'm pretty sure that it won't work nearly as well. Oh well. That will all come in time.

Just thought I should update before I ruin my laptop by crashing on it and drooling everywhere. I've been drooling a lot recently when I sleep. either that or I'm just noticing it moreso now.

Placebo, not just a drug

2006-08-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

So, let me just state that I've been packing like mad since camp ended. Camp ended, which means more posts from Meg M. Yay, huzzah. Anyway, college is coming up. Just as many people are leaving their school (Tommy T) for new and exciting adventures, I'm leaving my home of 18 years for Knoxville. Nashvegas has had its ups and downs over the past year, and I'm excited to leave. New places, new people, new me. Maybe no so much on the new me. I did get a faux hawk, though--I know how much everyone hates them, but I just wanted to see what the hype is about. The hype is that I fucking miss my hair.

In other news, Placebo are coming to America. I'm excited. Placebo are by far my favorite band of all time. In fact, they're playing nowhere near the South. Much less the East. They play three or four shows in the North East (I use that term loosely), so I might end up in Cleveland or Chicago very soon for maaaaybe 24 hours. I don't think I can afford any of the Western tour dates in October unless people feel generous and want to send me out there. Again, for maybe 24 hours. The plan so far is to find some cheap airfare and fly there after classes on Friday or late Saturday, catch a taxi or friend to the show, rock out, grab some food, hang out in the airport and leave early Sunday or Saturday morning so I can get back to school. Hooray.

The Camry of Doom is in the shop and has been for the past two or three days because the check engine light keeps coming back on and I need new tags. For those of you who don't know, the Middle Tennessee law is that you can't get new liscense plate tags unless you have passed an emissions test. I don't know if it's different in other parts of the country, seeing as I've lived in Nashville my entire life and have never bothered getting tags in other places. I think they've finally figured it out (hopefully) what is wrong. There's one last part that they have to install and fuck if I'm going to pay for labor. Oh, hells no. But, the guy did give me a ride home and is going to come pick me up--so far, no raping. Then again, with the new hairdo, I do look kind of butch:

Peace out and good times,
Meg M

PS: To The Regulars, check your mailbox soon.

Sometimes you need a push

2006-07-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

I've been having some personal difficulties recently. Almost to the point of where it was affecting my work. To counter this, I have a tendency to make things worse. Well, I did that. It took the reality check today to make me center again, and I only hope the person who gave me said check can forgive me. But, I really needed it.

As corny as it sounds, I feel more at cdenter with myself, which I haven't felt in a long time. I've apologized where it was needed, and the people who were ont he receiving end of those weird and random apologies probably think I'm crazy.

Let them. At least I know I can go to sleep now and know I've done what I can to fix where I messed up, and whoever I had issues with can run with it in any direction they can go. I think self-motivation is great, and I highly reccomend it. But, yeah, so that's the update.

Sometimes it takes everything to bring you down from your high
When you realize you've been wrong all the time
but what do you say when you want to reverse it all the same
You've got to pull out all the stops and keep your head on right,
you've got to say goodbye sometimes when it costs the most inside
Leave it all alone, let it rest and keep it low
slow down and smile wide when you're dying on the side
but you've got to keep face and keep walking in your high heels
one day you'll trip and fall and never get up again.
So get back up just one more time and shake it off
it will all work itself all right
But you've got to slow down and think it out just right
don't get caught up in the moment and get back on track
Sometimes it takes a blow to bring you back in line

one of the concerts of a lifetime

2006-07-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was fortunate enough to go with a friend to the Poison/Cinderella concert. Let me just say, that I've rocked hard on numerous occasions, but never before been rocked or rocked out so hard than at the Poison show. Let me just state that I absolutely adore Poison, and I love Bret Michaels to death. But, moreso, C.C. DeVille--one of the people I would probably kill to meet. The show was incredible. Mmm, so happy.

The Swedes!

2006-06-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't complain or freak out. But today, I was all ready for the Swedes to own some ass in the Sweden/England game. I had to call someone at 4:30 to find out if we won. The Swedes, however, tied. They should have bowled over England. But nooo.

Not that I should complain, it means we've qualified for the next 16 games. However, our next game is against Germany. I'm actually nervous about this one. I think I might need to take me Swedish flag towel to work on gameday. Start the countdown to the final Brazil/Sweden game.

Pen and ink

2006-06-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

Most people don't know this, but I do pen and ink drawings/painting things. I can classify them as the macabre because of the way they're designed. But, really, they're quite quaint. Anyway. I'm in need of some extra cash, and was wondering if any of you would be interested in buying some, or knew of someone who would like to purchase pen and inks. I've got a few samples, so just hit me up for them. I recently gave one away for a moving present, and it is now placed as a centerpiece for a wall. Excited :].

But, yeah, if you're interested, i'll gladly sell something to you, or I could always do comissions. I'm always looking for inspiration.

-sigh-

2006-06-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

So, here I am, at home, again. Work started two weeks ago, and I'm already tired. However, I have a new cat. My lovely calico I'd had for 17 years died earlier this year, if you'll remember, and I took it extremely hard. For my birthday (May 24), I rescued a black cat. She's gorgeous, and if I can get her to stand still long enough, I'll get a picture of her soon. She's adorable, with white feet and little patches of white on her chest. Anyway, yeah.

I finally graduated from high school this past Thursday. How un-exciting. It only made me hate my class more and almost get put in jail for agrivated assault. Some people just can't keep their damned mouths closed durring anything. This phenomena of "keeping one's mouth closed" includes not screaming (literally) half way across the damned class (of 300+) to hold a conversation. Not only is it disrespectful, but it gave me a worse headache than what my sinus infection is currently delivering.

On the bright side (next to the kitty), my Mac Book Pro. The one who bought it to me (my grandfather. aka. Douchebag Commander) still has a lot of kissing ass before he can make up for calling me ugly over Christmas. I had to take off of work this weekend for them, only to stay at home all day and not see them. I went out and began on a new wardrobe since I realized this morning that I have no clothes outside of my Excel Aquatics t-shirts. Since I don't swim for them anymore, and will be coaching from Pilot Swim soon, I don't think it would be a good idea to keep them around too much longer. Also, this taking off of work hinders my Canada trip next summer, and my staring at that nice piece of ass named Garrett. But, those aren't too important.

Poop face

2006-05-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

So, I was checking out regular world today and decided to check up on the progress of the password. Needless to say, I'm quite disappointed. Three letters to go. That means 18 people are out there hoarding their damned letter/number/symbol. I'm not sure if this is out of laziness, forgetfulness, or they just like to see those of us who are ever-so-curious writhe in anticipation.

The Interactive Mystery has fallen off the face of the earth. I keep up hope, though, as lame as it may sound. Why? Because I want to know what is behind that secret door. If someone says "Do not press the big red button," your immediate reaction is to press the big red button. Just to see what it does, and hope it is some yummy cake with a steaming cup of tea instead of blowing you up. Mysteries are a lot like that.

"Find this out. It's a surprise."
"Okay! Is it fish and chips?"

A very British thing for some boys from up north. Also, if The Regulars read this, keep your eyes peeled on your PO.

RP Goons

2006-05-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I participate regularly and help run several online, forum-based RPGs because under normal circumstances, I don't have time to play any other kind of RPG. Now, the problem with this is that my first RP was one of the most respected forum-based RPGs on the net durring its time--which would be about two or three years ago now. It still is very respected, despite the fact the best mod in the universe has left.

Meg! What does this mean?

This means I'm used to efficiency, consistency and compitency to a certain degree. I can't seem to find that at any current running games like this. Durring exam weeks, this doesn't bother me too much. However, I check boards at least three times daily to see if there's any action. Yeah, there's never any action. I'm thinking about taking one of my characters and making them blow up the world. No one would ever know.

Another major problem with a forum rpg, just like any other game I suppose, is that it's full of idiots who don't appreciate a helpful hand. Take for instance, idiot Fell. Now, idiot Fell had (by some maricle) his character approved. I don't know how, the admin started twitching and ranting once he read the profile and the kid's first post. He had missed the first (and major) memo that one should have for their forum name their character's name for the sake of time management and headaches. Also, I noticed that the kid's first post was not in the character approval section. We do this so that we weed out the Mary-Sues and John-Does who tend to plague my existance. Also, the horrible roleplayers. This kid, by the way, is just horrible. So, I confront him that he should get his character sorted out and his name should be the same as his character. I automatically assumed that his character's name was what was listed.

The boy, instead of taking it, sassed me. Said that a mod had told him they'd get the Admin to sort it out. Which is totally rediculous, I feel sorry for the Admin. The same one who wanted to murder the SOB. He then had the nerve if I even read his post. What? No. The moment I saw bold text and "~" in the post, I completely ignored it. So, I told him I skimmed it and there was no need to sass me. He comes back and tells me I'm being hostile. What? Considering my first intentions were to help him? Riiight. I'm now considering dropping out of the RP circuit because this is what happens when I try to be helpful. Hell, I even tell people like this to do something before the Admin actually notices and bans their ass.

Not that any of this is important, but it only increases my fustration and hatred of most humans. It infuriates me that this kid is either 12-years-old and thinks he's the shit, or 32 and still living with his mother. Either way, it's pathetic.

Finally something in my favor

2006-04-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

So, MTAC was this weekend. Great, I spent the weekend with Steve from AP and I got annoyed by the idiots around the end of the day. Honestly, there's only so long you can go with only so much sleep and smile and be nice. You stop caring and you get this glazed look in your eyes. You just have to leave, and Steve sent me away.

But even though the show did rock, it's always what goes on behind the scenes that matters most. This show was special. It was a bit of a let-down from MTAC, but it was still special in its own way. I really hope that at least one person knows what I mean by my last year has been crappy, veiled by happiness. But, I was actually happy this weekend, and it wasn't crappy, either. There's one draw back, but, I think I can overlook it.

Yay, smile sad kid.

College + Nightmare

2006-03-25T11:06:00.000-08:00

So, I'm just getting around to my scholarship applications, debate issues, etc. Currently, I'm going through my design files trying to find the right pieces to present to various scholarships, most of which tend to require some sort of visual proof they should choose you. "Please provide a URL to a digital media project here (photo, movie, song) that shows you at your most innovative." The problem? All of my stuff is for clients, or for personal amusement, not really "most innovative." I don't know.

So, as you can see, those are my most "innovative." Actually, there's one more, but I can't seem to get it to open. :[ Maybe I can put something out by Monday. I've been needing to design something. Maybe, just maybe, you can choose.

Funeral Unknown

2006-03-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure which scares me most: the fact that I'm not upset with the fact that 90% of my friends ditch me after making plans to do something, or the fact that I've come to accept the fact. But are quite scary, but it hit me today when my cousin told me he has the planning and time management abilities that seem prevelent in our family, in our generation. But even Ally and I can time manage if we're planning to leave the state. Not that I'm bitter. Because I'm not. I love you, cuz. You know I just kid.

But, seriously.

In the past month, I think I've been left alone a minimum of 6 times, and because of this, I had to call rainchecks on 3 or four friends (out of which I've managed to see one). I've come to the conclusion that either I don't matter enough to my "friends," and I need to get new ones, or there's a new RPG out that I've obviously missed called "Make Meg M. More Cynical!" How exciting! Of course, I can't do much with family. So, meh.

Also, I'd like to touch on the funeral portion of this post. I'm not looking to seek pity, mainly because I'm too lazy to give any to whoever might read this, but a lifelong friend of mine passed on the other day, March 22. I'm still a bit torn up since I found out tonight after dinner. I've known this friend my whole life, since I was 2, and she's always been there. My beloved calico cat, Stinky (don't laugh at the name), couldn't even make it to the woods to pass on. It was cold that day, and she crawled under my mom's car where it was warm and died. My parents weren't going to tell me. My mom did, and compared it to the fork thefts that have been occuring around the house as of late. To make a point, supposedly. I'm still lost on how you can compare the death of a family member to flatware, but I'll cope. Then, I asked my dad why he didn't tell me earlier tonight, when I was talking about Stink. He had the audacity to tell me he burried her, and where. I'll go visit tomorrow. Then he told my mom and I, "The thing that got me the most, was that she had her eyes open." As if the fact that the cat that slept on my chest this past Saturday while I was ill and sleep-deprived passed away under a car and no one told me, lets add the fact that she went down with her boots on, for lack of better terminology. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. This is the cat I've been making jokes about her dying for three or four years now. She's lived outside, declawed, and the alpha cat for 16 years. She's been with me since I was 2, gave me a bacterial infection known as "cat scratch fever," ran away one of my kittens, and always had a knack of cheering me up when I was down. My mom wants to try to domesticate my black cat, Choco, but I don't think I can handle it right now and neither can he. He's been with her since she was a kitten, and I'm the only one he'll come to. Being with other humans might set him off. I care more about my cats and animals than I care about most people, mind you. But I'm taking the death of Stinky pretty hard, even for me. So, rest in peace, my friend. I hope it's warmer where you are.

SURPRISE! Package

2006-03-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

I think that The Regulars are getting me back for my post on the "Surprise, not so surprise package." I got a letter in the mail today from Michigan. Now, I do have friends in Michigan, only none of them really know my address. Except for The Regulars. I like to think they and I have formed a special... friendship, of sorts. Anyway, the package included a slip of paper with one word in nice script on it: "Surprise."

To say the least, I was surprise. Also, in the illustrious silver marker is written: "WE UNDERSTAND. -THE REGULARS"
Now, I'm quite excited, and I hope we figure out the password quite soon. That would make me happy. Until then, thank you to The Regulars, because you make me cry happy tears, which in turn cry tiny angsty goth tears as well.

I love today

2006-03-17T20:12:00.000-08:00

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Why? Because this is one of the best days in the world. I love this day. It's the day that St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland (I'm sure there's still some there...). But more importantly, it gives me reason to beat up on people. Oh, today is a wonderful day. So, if your'e not wearing green (or have not painted yourself green in celebration (can include vomit I guess)), then hit yourself for me. Party pooper.

o_o

2006-03-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

So, a new bottled template. Uhm, this one actually came in a different language, so I'm glad it turned out right. Coding is the same across the board, pretty much. So, yay. Uhm. You'd think with spring break in full swing, I'd find some sort of time to actually make my own damned layout. But, you thought wrong. I'm too lazy, and besides, I like these boats. I did start working on some images... but for some reason they won't sit right on the screen, and I'm not too sure how they'll look on the Safari browser or on regular IE. It probably works right on IE, just not on my computer. But, oh well. I'll see what I can do with that over the weekend. Maybe I can get out and take better images to use.

Anyway, view Tommy T's blog for the updated password. Last time I checked, it was _ 7 S Q _ _ _ _ _ _, but I think he's found another letter. Again, if you've gotten a package, ease my giddyness and gimme your letter/number, please. We all are dying to know what this bonus is.

Surprise, not so surprise, package from The Regulars

2006-03-15T18:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, I've been bitten by the bug. Bad. This image is from the regulars. Who, I might add, is comprised of some of the coolest dudes/dude I've had the pleasure of complimenting. That is, as long as his tears don't listen to crappy new AFI music.

Anyway, my contributation to the puzzle is the letter Q in the fourth spot. I'm giddy with excitement.

I didn't get the chills of opening the letter by myself, since my mom had opened it for me while I was gone, and left it all sitting in plain view on the kitchen table. Atmosphere of mystery disolved. I was quite unpleased. She claims she was just opening mail, and she thought it was for her. Negative points for her. Surprisingly, she used to work for the US Postal Service. Mail tampering? Irony, come on down. So, yeah. I told her next time she accidentally opens my mail, to tape it all back together so I can have the experience of opening what little mail I do get that isn't some kind of bill. I like surprises. Of the non-lethal variety, of course.

The Regulars

2006-03-12T00:57:00.000-08:00

So, by complete accident, I came across Tommy Tumult, king of rock n' roll. Tommy's my hero, but I don't think he knows this. In fact, I hope he doesn't. That'd be really freaky for someone you don't know other than by one or two emails and a few comments told you that they looked up to you. Also, I think he'd laugh at me.

Anyway, his most recent blog entries have been about this mystery that The Regulars
have been sponsoring. He's recently gotten his package in the mail, and I've just signed up for mine. I'm more intrigued than anything. It's amazing. The whole concept is beautiful. Each password, from what I understand, will have blanks and a letter or number. It comes with a picture and a sticker. Apparently, the password is to get into a secret part of the site. It's amazing. There's still 41 left, if you take into account I've just applied for one. Also, Tommy's blog is linked from there, or you could just google it. Honestly, this is one of the most genius things I've heard of for a while. It will bring 60 or so otherwise complete strangers together.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Ode to AR

2006-02-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

"AR Succumbs to Peer Pressure"

Once, there lived a boy named AR.
He wouldn't do much,
Not at all.
Just sit in the darkness,
his monitor the only source of light.
Until one day, there came a knocking
Which disturbed his techno stores.

"Little boy, little boy,
Open this damned door!"
But all AR did was ignore,
His World of Warcraft calling,
but the knocking kept persisting.
"I've got skittles, little boy,
If you come play with me, you can have these sugary treats!"
Ar seemed anxious:
Skittles or more mindless violence?
"Slide them under the door!"
The little boy employed.
"But, I've got booze to make you dizzy!"
"Some other time, I'm much too busy!"
It appeared that AR's addiction was much too sound,
For he continued and did not turn around.
World of Warcraft had won the second round.
"Please little boy, I've got candy and sweets galore!"
pleaded the voice on the other side of the door
In such a high pitch that made AR turn up the sound.
So high in fact,
that he had to blast his speakers to get the hi-fi effect.
The techno and trance were blaring,
The voice was drowned out as it was swearing.
"If you don't get out here this instant,"
The voice screamed to break his last resistance,
"Ill kill the server and all your channels!"
AR srung from his desk,
jabbing AFK as fast as his fingers would let.
He hurried through the room to the voice--
what a blasphemer--
He opened the door,
and what a surprise,
it was the sun,
Which gouged out his eyes
and tore up AR's insides.
That's what AR gets,
kids of all ages,
For succumbing to peer pressure,
and not being a hater.

Mmm.. onion-breath

2006-02-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

There's really nothing that can get you in the mood for writing obscure, mataphysical poetry like Neutral Milk Hotel. Mmmm... Since I haven't really written anything besides unwaranted silly poems in the past months, here we go:

(It's much better than reading Frankenstein, anyway.)
Yeah, just realized I can't write anything happy. So, here's my half-assed attempt, edit later:

"Forget Walking Steady"

Place that hat on your head
tonight we're drinking away
our inihibitions are here to stay
they've got a card up thier sleeve.

Tonight they're playing aces--
tonight a story beginins,
but this night we're losing our inhibitions,
this chapter has come to an end.

Now she's strutting her stuff
Stop at the door
don't go just yet
there's just something about a red silk dress.

Take a chance,
lose yourself in the game.
There's somthing about a red silk dress,
that made you glad you came.

If there was something you your head,
drown it in a drink.
Tonight we're losing our inhibitions,
doing whatever it takes to make the pieces fit.

Wait for your chance--
ready, steady, hurry and go now,
don't stay and wait it out:
you've got nothing to lose tonight

Wmile with an uncouth stare
it's been a while.
but you've it drank away
you're socially sound.

Tonight they're playing aces--
tonight a story begins.
But this night we're losing our inhibitions.
Thhis chapter came to an end with a shot of gin.

I want to learn Swedish

2006-02-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

So, internal struggle: to buy the 169.50 dollar tickets to Bonnaroo, or not to
I mean, most of the bands going I absolutely adore (Elvis Costello, anyone? DUNGEN!!!!!)

But... Maybe, just maybe, I can get my cousin to drop a word with My Morning Jacket... ;-; If not, I'll maul him and make him buy me tickets.

So, if anyone's looking for a KICK-ASS 18th Birthday gift... this would be it.
OR you all could pitch in and get me a pass. That'd work too.

This is a song for the brokenhearted

2006-01-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

One thing I'm for sure not going to miss about leaving Nashville is all the stupid shit that people do. I mean, it's totally amazing. To break up with someone, it's en vogue to tell them that you had phone sex with someone. It's also en vogue for that person and their "partner in crime" to discuss wheter or not they did something, which sounds quite suspicious to me. So, at the moment, KNoxville looks like a giant blessing in disguise. I don't think I'm going to miss as many people as I thought I was going to. Things are looking up, and I think it's for the better.

Melting Jell-O

2006-01-22T17:24:00.000-08:00

So, the myth that you can't melt Jell-O... That's false.

Tonight, my mother made Jell-O. Splendid stuff, she made it very strong--it was cherry. With bananas on top.

Anyway, enough about how good the Jell-O is. I'm sure most people have heard the tale that if you cannot melt Jell-O in the microwave, that it becomes just a hot Jell-O mass, kinda sweats some.

My mother and I were in the kitchen, eating ou Jell-O. So, I casually mentioned, "You know, supposedly you can't melt Jell-O." My mom said she'd head that as well, and quickly adding, "Lets try it!" She then picked up the remaining Jell-O and attempted to place it in the microwave. "No!" I exclaimed, "Not that! Lets just try a little bit!"

As we finished our Jell-O, I saved a small bit of mine to be placed in the microwave, which we did so promptly, and for a minute as well. To say the least, our attempts were foiled. And my father made fun of us. :[

And in case you were wondering, it melts in about 8 seconds. It's such a rip-off.

:]

2006-01-21T10:40:00.001-08:00

So, how about working for Anime Pavilion has its perks beyond belief. Yeah, can we say getting in free? AND free room and board? Woot. Now I just need a costume or two to wear.

Snow

2006-01-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

I've got this wonderful memory of getting out of school early a few years ago in January, due to snow, and going to my house with my boyfriend (who I still have feelings for), and making hot chocolate and watching movies. To me, that's a perfect day. For some reason, every time it's cold enough to snow, I get to missing that feeling, and I start wondering if I could feel that with the beau I'm currently with.
Of course, it's possible, it's just a matter of trying. But, then I remember that with that feeling, I didn't have to try. And, I think that's why it was perfect: I didn't have to act, or initate, anything. MAybe that's what I miss most about that relationship, and why I curse myself often for screwing it up so bad; in the end, I was (and am) the one with the broken heart.

This all sounds so cliche, but that's one of the great things about things being cliche: most of the time, they turn out to be true.

Moving on, the snow outside is quite pretty, and it's sticking! Something very rare here in Nashville. And it rained all day, so, I'm quite surprised it's sticking. Maybe they'll shut down schools and some universities! mmm... Coffee with Joey is always a treat. Actually, coffee in general is a treat. I'm not sure if it's the drink itself, or the adorable China cups my espresso comes in that makes me feel like I'm not in Tennessee, or even the States, but in some refined European nation. I think it's that feeling more than anything else that I drink coffee... that, and it tastes great and caffine is quite adicting.

Meg M

Vices

2006-01-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

One of the great vices I seem to have in my posession is the inability to be at home, concious, for more than four hours a day. This is because I leave from school at 3:15 and head straight for swim practice, which is quite quite dull. I love swimming, but, I need a change.
Which is, ironically, what I said when I dyed my hair red... now I'm letting it grow back out to it's original brown. Maily because I miss it, but also because I'm a broke mo-fo.

Anyway. Back to my vices. It's amazing, because, when it comes the weekend, I'm almost reluctant to leave my home. Why? I have no idea. And when I go to complain about being bored, I refuse to leave. I guess it's because I'm leaving soon, and it kinda scares me. I mean, I guess I never really thought about it: it's the real world, or as real as it's going to get for the next four or so years. Away from my family, away from most of my friends. Not too much of a comforting thought.

Friends, that's another vice of mine. I can't stand to not meet someone and either become their friend, or at least be tolerated by them. Last night was a prime example. We went to go play Laser Quest, and I'd met this new girl who was with the "group" (it's in quotations because there were five of us, instead of the planned 7-8) I'm pretty sure I annoyed this girl a little. I mean, she's sixteen, and usually anyone my age and with my... unique... view on life annoys people of her "calibur." So, moving right along, I was thinking about this today: why do I intentionally annoy people upon first meeting them, and then after a while become myself? Am I trying to weasle out the bad from the good? Because, I know once you get a little caffiene in me (like last night), I'm bound to chat up a storm. Except not really. I just comment a lot... Don't start discussions, really. Especially with people I hardly know.

So, that just goes to show you, I like my house and I like pissing people off. Whoo. I'm going to make friends later on.

Now, if I could only figure out why the cord on my blinds to the skylight are swaying back and forth for no reason at all.

Introduction

2006-01-05T20:52:00.000-08:00

My name is Meagan M. I go by Meg M if need be because I know it is next to impossible to spell my name without some complete and utter fuckup.

Lets skip the stupid prequel most blogs seem to require. I'll give you some short facts, though not my entire life's story. 1) It's far too borning and 2) You shouldn't meddle farther than invited.

So, I finally joined the blogging trainwreck. Yes, at blogger, because I'm poor. Deal. If you found this on your own, good for you. If I gave you the link, what was I thinking?

Small facts, that's what I was thinking: I enjoy writing, and might occasionally post a few poems. I'm scheduled to go to University Tennessee at Knoxville in the fall of 2006, and I hate people. I enjoy making people happy, though. It boosts my self-esteem. I'm brutally honest, and I really could give a damn how someone reacts to my honesty. Last of all, I hate being hurt. That's why I'm blogging: Internet hurts far less than people.

More later. Welcome, and this is the diary of Meg M, and her letters in the sand.